But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
