Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
