please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
