why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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