My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
