If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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