Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
