My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize