Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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