I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
