i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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