we're blogging at a bar
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
