Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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