Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
