Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
