well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
