So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You have to summon your inner elephant
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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