Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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