I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
