i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
