Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
