Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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