I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I pour the whiskey from now on
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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