dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
4 words: hood of his car
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
