I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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