yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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