she woke up with a sticky ear
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
