In the future we'll all be gay
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
