Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
