is your mom at the bar?
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
