You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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