So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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