i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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