we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
