It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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