So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
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Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
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Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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