and you said cock pushups were impossible
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
