She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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