I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Randomize
