You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
