it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
