i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Two words: blizzard sex
I need to calm my uterus...
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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