I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
