i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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