I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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