I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
