if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
