Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
