He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
