we made out on top of his cat.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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