his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
