It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
