Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
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