I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
