Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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