Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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