A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
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