im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
