He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
