I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Let's get the cat blown out
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
