Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
