I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
my sisters under your porch take her home
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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