it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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