he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
