I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
