well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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