i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
