Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
