My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
