Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
