i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
