Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
