hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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