Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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