Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
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