Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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