I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
