she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I just want nice things and good sex
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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