U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Randomize
