thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
